


drowning without you

by baichan



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, M/M, Non Consensual Daemon Touching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-04-06 11:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4220304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baichan/pseuds/baichan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He sees the bird perched on the roof on a Tuesday, a leg dangling over along with it. The creature is graceful, still except for the minute details of its feathers being tousled by the wind. Black and white and red - such stark colors. It's beauty captures him like a butterfly falling willingly into a net. His breath is stolen and he freezes.</p>
<p>(Daemon AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He sees the bird perched on the roof on a Tuesday, a leg dangling over along with it. The creature is graceful, still except for the minute details of its feathers being tousled by the wind. Black and white and red - such stark colors. It's beauty captures him like a butterfly falling willingly into a net. His breath is stolen and he freezes.

A brush against his leg brings him back to himself like a leash. He flushes and looks down to where his daemon is staring up with knowing dark eyes.

Sho's ears are flopped forward and he is staring intently at Rei. It's a stare that has a vice grip on his heart and has lead him to where he is now.

Rei leans a hand down to pat the dog daemon on the head and looks back up, still frozen in place where he had been running. Vaguely he hears one of his sempai calling him but he’s not paying attention. The beautiful moments been broken and he feels something in him deflate slightly.

The bird is gone like a ghost in the wind.

* * *

 

"Do you think it was a heron or a crane?" Rei asks Sho in the privacy of their room.

The two of them are curled up on his bed - an old book to help people identify what they're daemon had settled as laid forgotten near his feet. He had dug it out and was flipping through the bird section.

Crane or heron, maybe a stork? It had been tall for a bird, slender. The beak had seem pretty short but he had been looking at it from an angle. The colors stick more than anything but it had been stories above him, unreachable and the only thing he truly remembers is the feeling of breathlessness. For all he knows it could have been a pelican, but he sincerely hopes not. The images of them swallowing fish has him cringing and the bile in the back of his throat burns at the almost terrifying images.

It was frustrating. Sure he didn’t know everyone in the school and there was a large portion that he had never met, but with a daemon like that it should be easy to find. No one on track had a daemon like that despite the diversity of forms, high jump and pole vaulters like him commonly had birds and the ones who focused on running were trailed by sleek herding dogs and deer depending on the event and then there were the throwers and their larger, stronger bears and big working dogs and even sometimes monkeys.

Sho doesn't say anything but curled himself in closer to Rei. The heat and closeness from his daemon being pressed close has him relaxing and settling even more into his bed. He lets out a breath that’s less weary and more pleasant.

Rei strokes the dog’s back thoughtfully as he flips through pages, examining picture after picture in the thick tome of daemons.

* * *

 

A boy with an unremarkable bird daemon (except for its disproportionately long beak and flushed chest), approaches him about swimming again and again. Rei wishes he would stop. He can't swim, neither can Sho - and why should he bother? It's such an ugly sport lacking beauty.

Besides he was busy with track, and his new ‘research project’ eats up hours without him even noticing. The boy was just wasting his time, following him during his runs and watching him during practice. He is slightly intrigued though about this ‘Haru-chan’ and a thought snags, what if his daemon is that daemon?

"You should try it," Sho says in his rich, even voice, completely derailing Rei’s thought process, “swimming that is.”

Rei splutters, book about birds perched delicately on his knees opened to the pages of non-passerines. It falls and hits the floor with a soft thud sound and a fluttering of glossy pages like wings.

Sho is staring at him so intensely with his knowing eyes that Rei's protests die on his lips. His daemon knows what’s best for him after all, maybe it can't hurt. Maybe Sho knows something he doesn’t.

As long as he doesn’t swim he should be fine.

Sho leaps gracefully off the bed and retrieves the book. Rei can't help but appreciate the grace his daemon exudes. When he was young he had hoped for a bird - something that soared through the sky along with him. Something graceful and beautiful.

Sho defied his expectations, as he usually does. His form couldn't have been more elegant - even if it lacked the delicacy he craved. Sometimes, Rei thinks it's a shame that he was the human and Sho the daemon. Sho is much more responsible, always leading, always guiding.

Rei heard that most people who are blind have dog daemons who faithfully lead them wherever they need to go. Maybe that's why Sho settled as he is.

Sho's weight causes a dip on the bed and he drops the book near his human. Instead of going for the book Rei runs his hand along Sho's spine, taking in the grooves of vertebrae and the smoothness of his fur.

"Thank you," he says quietly.

Sho relaxes into the natural curve of Rei where he fits perfectly, and gives a little ‘huff’ that could mean ‘ya, ya’ or ‘of course’ or ‘what am I going to do with you, you poor little human’.

Rei scratches him behind the ears with a fond smile. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, this is different from what you usually read,” a voice calls, plucking the book from his hand.

It's a guide to birds - non-passerines because he's certain that's what it was - and it's well worn by now, despite being recently bought. Sticky tabs protrude from the book, the spine is broken many times over, and the cover is bent and wearing at the edges.

Nagisa flips through the pages excitedly, fingers running over glossy images of cranes and herons and storks, and tracing the notes Rei had dutifully made in the margins. Things like, 'beak is long but the body shape seems right', 'neck too short', and 'coloring wrong'.

Rei's face flushes and he practically dives for the book, snatching it out of Nagisa's hands, and tumbling to the floor in his ungraceful lunge. It was an ugly and not beautiful action, so that by the time he hit the floor he was two times embarrassed and hurt.

Groaning he slowly uncurls himself and turns up, book safely tucked in his arms. Nagisa was staring down at him in a wide eyed wonder and Makoto looked worried. Haru, meanwhile was looking at him with his usual stare of annoyance, doubly so because if too many injuries happen near the pool the swimming club could be closed.

"Wow, Rei-chan! That was amazing!" The blond boy called excitedly as he leaned over Rei.  His daemon gliding above.

Makoto asked him, "Are you okay?" Like the mother hen he was, eyes scanning him for injuries.

Rei couldn't answer, face red and mind buzzing in triple time.

Nagisa chuckles and lays out beside him, watching as Makoto's daemon runs his little hand like paws through Sho's short fur, trying to comfort the beast who was staring at his human with a level stare.

"He's looking for someone, with a specific daemon." Sho says with his deep, rich voice.

Rei shoots up, jaw dropped, feeling acutely betrayed. How could Sho tell them something that was so close to his heart so easily? He clutches the book tighter to him and pouts.

Sho tilts his head, a no nonsense look on his long muzzle, "Maybe they can help." He says plainly, flippantly. Like he was suggesting it in private instead of making such executive decisions without him.

Rei kind of gapes at the dog before he sighs. Sho has always faithfully done what's best for him, why should now be any different? Even if he was still kind of hurt at the betrayal.

Sho stands and stretches and walks nuzzles him in a rare moment of public comfort and then lays down, making sure contact remains. Rei suddenly feels better.

Nagisa lays out on his stomach and elbows, excited expression on his face. Rei feels like he should be worried, having only know the boy a fraction of the time Makoto and Haru have he's already learned that that look was trouble. It was hard to be too worried with Sho by his side though.

"Let us help, Rei-chan!" He chirps happily, Yoko gliding down to land her webbed feet near Sho, and Makoto's daemon, Nobuko.

Yoko is peering at the book questioningly and Nobuko is eyeing Nagisa and sending looks to Makoto like 'the boy is plotting something what do we do?'. Sho wriggles closer to lick a stripe along the marine otter's head and curls around Yoko.

Nagisa slips the book out of Rei's - now loose - grip. He opens it up and flips back through it, paying more attention to the birds marked.

"This is so romantic!" Nagisa chirps as his eyes absorb the information and glossy pictures, "Love at first sight! I've heard stories about this happening!" He looks at Rei, "It must be fate! Just like when I saw you and knew you had to be our fourth member!"

Rei splutters, partly at the warm feeling that grows unbidden in his chest, "It was nothing like that! Besides there's no such thing as fate." He sighs and refuses to look anyone in the face, "I simply saw it one day at track practice and thought it was the most beautiful thing I saw!"

It's quiet and when he finally looks, Makoto and Nagisa and even Haru are looking at him with a sort of awed look. Finally Nagisa blinks and a wide grin spreads over his face that makes Rei's mind break down all over again and his face turn an even deeper shade of red.

"Wow! Love at first sight!"

Makoto grins and chuckles, "That's kind of what it sounds like, Rei-kun."

Haru's daemon purrs at him.

Rei makes a face and looks down. He's not sure about love at first sight. However he feels like he needs to do this and he hopes that when he does he can move on. After a few awkward ticks of silence, Nagisa bravely speaks up.

"Any luck yet?"

Rei sighs, partly relieved to be moving on from the previous conversation and partly in disappointment of the next one.

"No none, I'm not even sure what type of bird," he give Nagisa a sad smile.

Nagisa grins devilishly at him and Rei feels himself tense up. That’s the grin of a trickster, of a man up to no good and Rei wishes he could stop this train wreck before it happens.

"Well," the boy drawls, "that's not a problem! I know exactly how to get around that!"

Rei raises a brow and Nagisa giggles at him. What Nagisa is suggesting without actually saying what he was going to do had him worried. From the look Makoto is giving him, the taller boy is just as concerned.

Manami looks strangely pleased which just makes it worse. For how blunt Haru is, Manami could be sly and take a lot of enjoyment in teasing people relentlessly, often teaming up with Nagisa. He wonders what that says about his senpai.

"Uh, we're not going to get in trouble this time are we?" Their captain asks.

Nagisa winks at him, "Don't worry, Mako-chan!"

Rei doesn't think Makoto-senpai is actually comforted by that, because he definitely isn't.


	3. Chapter 3

Nagisa invites him over that weekend. He says that he has it prepared so that Rei can try to find his 'love at first sight. Rei is incredibly worried and immediately agrees with second thought when the boy asks if he can invite Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai.

Rei, as it turned out, had every right to worry.

"Nagisa-kun! I think this is incredibly illegal!" He shouts at the boy. 

Makoto looks a little green and facepalms, "Not again."

Rei splutters and turns on Makoto, "What do you mean 'not again'."

Makoto-senpai sighs, "Nagisa convinced us to break into our old swim club before it was to be torn down and Samezuka's pool."

Rei gapes at him and Makoto chuckles nervously, "Haru has a weakness for pools." 

Nobuko is chittering nervously and scampering around her human, "We couldn't just let them go by themselves!"

Makoto nods, his eyebrows scrunched as him and his daemon remember how worried they had been. The two were worry warts and mother hens and made it their duty to take care of everyone on the swim team.

Nagisa grins from where he and Yoko were perched in front of the computer, "Don't worry!"

Haru sits next to him, his cat daemon with a paw on the computer. His eyes trace the pictures of the student body and their daemon's on the screen.

The cat daemon, Manami, speaks up, "At this point, unless someone sees this, we should be fine."

The she stalks back to Haruka-senpai and settles in his lap, making sure her tail flickers out to Nagisa's clothed arm. Nagisa gives her a blank look that she easily returns with an amused one. 

Their eye contact passes quickly and Nagisa turns around to wave the other two boys over with a grin, "C'mon, Rei-chan! I promise you this is really cool. I have it all set up so it should be easy to find them."

Rei sighs but goes over and flops down next to Nagisa on the bed. Haru is on the otherside, Manami giving him an amused look and Makoto settles to sit behind everyone. Sho has curled around Nobuko and Yoko flutters down to join them.

Nagisa maneuvers the laptop to Rei and starts scrolling down. Face after face and muzzle after beak race past. He even recognizes a few - like that boy in his history class with the gecko, the girl with glasses and a finch that's one of the best pole vaulters on the track team. Eventually Nagisa lets his finger up and off the down arrow key.

"Okay, so what you do is go here," he uses the touchpad to hover over a bar with multiple sorting options, "and then you just click on these," there were ones like 'gender' and 'last name' under the human portion and 'class' and ‘settled’ under the daemon one, "and it'll sort through them automatically."

Rei nods, attention now focused on the screen. One thing that catches his attention is 'settled'. He furrows his brow and his finger pauses over the touch pad.

"I didn't realize there were people who's daemons were still unsettled," he says moving the clicker to hover over it.

The room goes silent.

"That not important right now, Rei-chan!" Nagisa chirps in his ear.

"Ah, you're right!" He moves back over class and clicks. The options mammal, fish, amphibian, insect, and bird pop out. He selects bird and the program takes a minute to load before the results go from their entire school to a smaller portion.

To Rei's satisfaction they can be divided up even further. Clicking he chooses non-passerines over passerines.

The options sort out even more and soon there's about forty left. He scrolls through them and sees gulls and pelicans and even a flamingo.

He frowns, the closest thing on there was a heron and the colors weren't right. He glances over at Sho who is as expressionless as ever.

Turning back he exits out of his choices and clicks on settled. He chooses non-settled.

"Rei?!"

There's only three people with unsettled daemons, a young girl who had skipped a few grades, a boy who looked tiny and sickly in his picture, and Nagisa Hazuki.

Rei turns to look at his friend.

"Nagisa?"


	4. Chapter 4

Nagisa's face was pale as his daemon flutters from the dog pile to circle frantically over their heads. Yoko lands easily on the bed and waddles a little bit to Nagisa. Rei expects the boy to pick her up but he withdraws from her. Instead Manami comes and rubs her head against the boy's side. Rei blanches at that.

Sure it wasn't as taboo to touch another's daemon as it used to be, but daemons and humans still avoided contact to each other when they didn't belong together. Manami had always been a bit touchy feely for a daemon, catching someone's leg with her tail, swatting at them with her paws, and even jumping into Mako's lap, but Nagisa wasn't his maybe boyfriend or codependent best-friend.

Rei splutters a bit, but Sho headbuts him softly in the leg and he reels it in.

"Ah," it suddenly strikes him that he found something out about his friend that maybe Nagisa wasn't prepared to share.

He scampers off the bed and bows deeply, "I apologize, Nagisa-kun. I understand if you weren't ready to share that with me."

He hears a giggle and he peeks up. 

"It's okay Rei-chan." Nagisa smiles gently at him, "I'm kind of glad you know."

Rei blushes and looks away. It's quiet in the room until Manami stretches and purrs.

"Haru. I want mackerel." She says, jumping from the bed and walking out the door.

Haru trails behind and when Makoto picks up Nobuko she whispers something to him. Nodding, he gives Rei a look before he follows Haru. Rei might occasionally get pulled into being Nagisa's partner in crime but he isn't dense or dumb. Just weak to Nagisa's insistings.

"I'll be taking my leave too, Nagisa-kun." 

Nagisa looks up from where he was messing with the program and whines and asks Rei to stay but Rei says something about homework and Nagisa relents.

"Fine, Rei-chan! But this just means you have to make it up to me later!" He chirps happily.

Rei agrees with smile.

 

Makoto and Haru are waiting for him outside of the Hazuki residence. They begin walking to the train.

"Have you, uh, noticed something weird between Nagisa and Yoko." Makoto begins.

Rei's mouth parts as he thinks about all the times Nagisa has subtly inched away from Yoko, how the daemon never speaks, how he's never actually seen Nagisa acknowledge her.

"I - I don't think I've ever seen them touch," he says.

Makoto nods, "They don't touch. We're not sure what happened because when we were young Yoko was alway in his arms."

"We think something happened to him." Manami says plainly.

"But we don't actually know," Makoto says trying to reassure Rei.

Rei's glad. His stomach churns at the thought of something happening to Nagisa, especially if he was as young as he looks in the picture of the relay.

A thought flits across his mind suddenly.

"I think - I think it was Yoko I saw that day."

Makoto tilts his head and Haru narrows his eyes at him. Suddenly Rei is filled with shame. Here they are, talking about their friend who could have been seriously hurt and all he can talk about is his obsession.

He's disappointed in himself.

 

Sho leaps onto his bed and sits in front of him, tall and imposing. 

“You need to help them,” he says.

Rei frowns at him, “What am I supposed to do?”

Sho huffs, “Do you think you were the only one affected by Yoko?”

He almosts asks what he means, but Rei knows it goes back to that day during track with the bird on the roof. 

He was sure that it was Nagisa’s daemon. The younger girl who had skipped grades was also in track - a sprinter who was small and agile - and the boy’s daemon was too weak to change from it’s mouse form, but was also too sickly to truly settle. If the boy ever recovered enough his daemon would settle easily. Rei knew him how everyone else knew him. He was dying, his daemon getting weaker and weaker. 

Sho lays down but his back is still tense, spine sticking out in tiny bumps. Rei can’t help but lean forward to run his finger over the vertebrae. 

“I don’t want to be with anyone but Yoko.” the dog says.

Rei makes a face, “I’ve never heard her talk.”

Sho shakes his muzzle, “You aren’t listening, Rei.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing commissions are open! Check out the link below!
> 
> http://thealphahomo.tumblr.com/post/150839077384/writing-commissions

Rei is sitting at the side of the pool, exhausted from the laps Gou and Makoto were having everyone do. He’s not quite panting, tired in that heavy, bone deep way swimming forces on you. It’s strange, even when he was in track his lungs never breathed air in quite so well.

He rips his swim cap and goggles off and a chirp goes off next to him. 

Looking to his side he sees a small bird that fluffs out its feathers and ruffles off the water he accidentally flicked on her. She’s beautiful in her own way - long legs and neck, russet throat and patterned wings. He kind of wants to run his hands through her down.

Gulping, he looks to his side and sees Sho. Sho is staring at him and he quickly looks back at Yoko.

“Hello,” he whispers.

She tilts her long beak, like two chopsticks, towards him and chirps. It’s kind of like seagull’s call but not as harsh or loud.

He smiles.

“Rei-chan!” 

Yoko flies up to circle her human as he approaches. Nagisa is smiling and waving and running, which is actually so incredibly dangerous.

Rei jumps up, almost slipping himself, “Nagisa-kun! Don’t run near the pool!”

“But you promised to hang out with me!” He whines.

Face red, Rei looks to Sho, “I will, but don’t run!” He looks back at Nagisa, “You could injure yourself!”

Nagisa’s face goes blank, in this kind of awe filled moment, and then he’s smiling so brightly and hugging him - naked chest to torso.

“Aw, Rei-chan!” 

Yoko squawks and lands her webbed feet on Sho’s back, wings stretched out and rocking unsteadily as she tries to balance on his furry back with her webbed feet. Sho tries to stay as still as he can, holding his breath to allow her to stay perched on him.

Nagisa grabs his hands and stares him dead in the face, “Walk home with me."

Rei nods.

 

The whole time that Rei is walking with Nagisa he’s thinking, trying to listen and make a decision. Sho at one point actually answers the boy, Yoko still settled - unsteadily - on his back. 

“Rei-chan, you seem really distracted,” Nagisa states.

Rei twirls on him, suddenly and stopping on point. He clenches his fists and his face is red, his tongue thick in his mouth.

“Na-nagisa-kun!” He almost shouts, “W-will you please go out with me?”

When he opens his eyes Nagisa is staring at him with that awed expression. Wide eyed and mouth parted, no wrinkles on his face that’s usually creased with amusement and happiness. Rei opens his mouth to stutter something out - an apology, his name, another please - but Nagisa stops him. He takes a few steps forward and places his hand on Rei’s cheek. He gets on his tip-toes and presses his lips to Rei’s.

It’s just a quick press of smooth skin, barely different from pressing his lips to skin but for the form and the heat. Rei blinks and Nagisa is smiling at him.

He doesn’t say anything but makes a happy little noise in the back of his throat. Yoko echoes his chirp in her own bird language, feathers flapping as she flies around. 

Rei feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest and Sho is pressing himself against his leg.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa kind of jolts, his muscles tensing and untensing and he looks like he’s not sure what to do, then he starts to smile.
> 
> “It’s my settled form,” a gentle voice says.

 

They’re dating and they hold hands and Nagisa gives him kisses when they part in goodbye and again on the cheek in greeting. Sometimes they lay by each other and Yoko and Sho cuddle. 

 

Rei never sees Yoko change form and he doesn’t ask.

 

Makoto does.

 

“What was the bird Rei saw?” he asks good naturedly one day at the end of practice. Nobuko is shaking the water from her fur and Haru and Manami are still in the pool but slow to rest against the side near the group. Rei is already changed along with Nagisa.

 

Nagisa kind of jolts, his muscles tensing and untensing and he looks like he’s not sure what to do, then he starts to smile. 

 

“It’s my settled form,” a gentle voice says.

 

Rei whips his head around to see Yoko flutter to the ground. Nagisa narrows her eyes at her.

 

“Oh,” Makoto says in surprise. The he blinks and smiles softly, “Can I see?”

 

Yoko blinks and lowers her head and then she’s shifting. It looks strange and almost unnatural. Definitely uncomfortable, maybe painful. Nagisa groans softly and places a hands over his heart. His joints look stiff and awkward and his head is curled down, eyes clenched shut like his head aches.

 

Then Yoko is absolutely beautiful. A mass of white and black feathers with red on top. She stretches out her wings and legs and extends her neck.

 

Rei can’t help but gape. Yoko is stunning and she looks -  _ happier,  _ more comfortable in her own skin. He looks in awe at Nagisa and is suddenly confused.

 

Nagisa’s face is blank and he’s looking at Yoko with dead eyes. He’s not quite upset but he doesn’t look happy. He looks almost to be shaking and then suddenly he runs. Yoko practically snaps her neck to watch him before she’s curling in and shifting and it’s an agonizing second before she’s a smaller bird and flies after him.

 

Rei is frozen for a moment, but Sho is already running after them and then he  _ has  _ to follow.

  
  
  


Nagisa is crouched in front of his door, bag dropped in front. He’s crying, and the bag is slightly unzipped - liked he tried to get the key but couldn’t. Yoko is next him, quiet and looking ashamed of herself.

 

Rei pauses then goes for the back, digging the keys out and unlocking the door. He grabs Nagisa and guides the boy - who easily follows - to his room. He drops Nagisa’s bag in the floor and sits the boy on the bed. Yoko sits by his feet and Sho curls around her and him. 

 

Nagisa is looking at Yoko and he still kind of hiccuping, tears falling. His eyes are red and wet and a little swollen from crying. Rei leans forward and rubs some of his tears away.

 

“Nagisa?” he says softly.

 

Nagisa chews on his lip and Rei holds his hand.

 

Eventually they end up laying down, partially curled around each other, their daemons still cuddling on the floor. They’re holding hands and Rei doesn’t want to ever let go - no matter how sweaty their palms are in the muggy summer heat.

 

“Will you tell me what happened?” Rei asks once the quiet’s stretched on long enough for the room’s natural light to darken slightly.

 

Nagisa stills - stops breathing - then releases the breath in a sigh. 

 

“Wh-when I was in middle school,” he begins, “one of my teachers used to -”

 

He swallows and chokes up and Rei doesn’t say anything and when Nagisa pulls his hand away and turns his back on him to curl up he lets him.

 

“I - she used to -” He doesn’t say anything else and Rei lets him be quiet, lets him keep his secret. 

 

“It’s okay,” he says quietly and pulls Nagisa to him, spoons the boy until he falls to sleep.

 

Rei leaves in the early morning, pressing a kiss to Nagisa’s forehead. The boy groans and opens his eyes blearily, slurring out a goodbye of sorts. Yoko coos and fluffs out her feathers, Sho giving her one last nuzzle before the walk out of his room and the warmth of his bed.

 

He steps out of the house and the sky is not quite light. The whole world is just waking up and he takes a deep breath of early morning air. It’s truly the dawn of a new day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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